Go To Sleep!

Ep 005 – leftshwept

gts005 “leftshwept”

You know how those dating apps work, swipe right for yum and sweep left for ugh. But what happens to the left-swept? Who are they, why are they perennially swiped sinisterially, and where do they go after they drop off the left side of your phone? Don’t claim to have any of the answers here, this is just a clinical survey of swipers and swipees. Preliminary conclusion: your gut instinct is often right.

01-01 Andrews Sisters – I Can Dream, Can’t I (1949)
— only had to bleep 2 words in this entire 2-hour episode, surprising enough on its own, but the shocker is that one of them was uttered by Patti Andrews! This came out as Decca #24705.

01-02 April Smith & The Great Picture Show – SFASS 11 – Stop Wondering (2010)
— a truly great album, eventually will get all of them out on this show. The backward thing is that the vinyl version has the bonus tracks, not the CD. This tune has gotten stuck in my head more times than I can count.

01-03 Selena Gomez & The Scene – Kiss And Tell 10 – I Don’t Miss You At All (2010)
— not just a (stunningly) pretty face, she can toss out a pop rumbler with the best ‘o them. I like the reference to Chuck Berry talking about writing a number on the wall.

01-04 The Whereabouts – Pop Filter 01 – Afterthought (2009)
— the life of a left-swept is not easy.

02-01 Dujour – J&TP 12 – Backdoor Lover (2001)
— not a real band. From the film Josie And The Pussycats, by the band who survive a suspicious fall from “slipping” out of an airplane at 30,000 feet. The gag was good enough to have 2 Dujour tunes included on the soundtrack album.

02-02 Paris Hilton – Paris 08 – Screwed (2006)
— Paris responds to an infamously leaked tape with surprising tact and class. And the song is surprisingly catchy.

02-03 Towers Of London – Blood Sweat And Towers 04 – Beaujolais (2006)
— pretty obvious that TOL is singing about our previous guest.

02-04 Amazing Rhythm Aces – Stacked Deck 01 – Third Rate Romance (1975)
— the pitiful result of a right-swipe that would have been swept left in a world without desperation.

03-01 King Missile (Dog Fly Religion) – Fluting On The Hump 21 – Sensitive Artist (1987)
— a staple of nuttiness from 80’s college radio, the album also features Take Stuff From Work. Note the intentional fade-out here, absurdly long to fit the title.

03-02 Christine Lavin – Attainable Love 04 – Sensitive New Age Guys (1990)
— biting commentary on the battle of the sexes when one side surrenders without a shot. Worth turning up the volume, for the hilarious background comments.

03-03 Christine Lavin – Live At The Cactus Cafe 08 – Alternate Endings To The Above Song, If The One Here Is Too Scary For Sensitive You (1993)
— not the followup to the above song, but fits pretty well!

03-04 Joanie Sommers – Johnny Get Angry 01 – Johnny Get Angry (1962)
— doesn’t get much airplay these days, wonder why? Heh, anyway a useful lesson why “nice guys finish last”. Notable for being one of the (very) few songs to ever feature a kazoo solo.

03-05 Voice Of The Beehive – Let It Bee 10 – There’s A Barbarian In The Back Of My Car (1988)
— not the top single from a great debut album, but always one of my favorites. A good answer to Joanie Sommers, to be careful what she was wishing for.

03-06 Spinal Tap – Bitch School (1982)
— and a britch too far, the stars of the great mock-rock-umentary here in the video version of their single release, obviously just a song about training a pooch.

04-01 The Monks – Bad Habits 07 – Nice Legs, Shame About Her Face (1979)
— turnabout is fair play, and makes you wonder if blind dates would work better if the blind part were enforced.

04-02 Good Rats – From Rats To Riches 07 – Coo Coo Coo Blues (1978)
— lose the girl, gain 4 new friends. The greatest 70’s band to not “make it big” featured Peppi Marchello telling this story, who was as described in real life. I talked with him once, ordering drinks at a bar in Rochester. Great guy and with a mug like that, the class is to own it!

04-03 Johnny Meeskite – Ugly (circa 1978)
— talk about owning it! Recording date is fuzzy, this is track 12 on the Dr. Demento compilation of World’s Worst Records from 1983. But listen to that guitar solo, this is not a “worst record,” in fact it sounds to me ears like Frank Zappa on guitar.

04-04 David Olney – Deeper Well 03 – Brand New Skin (1989)
— rounding out the “official” show, a warning about subterfuge on those dating apps, the worst critters are the most likely to pop back up with a new more sparkled profile.

05-01 Mighty Mighty Bosstones – Devil’s Night Out 10 – A Little Bit Ugly (1993)
— great ska band in one of their least ska tunes, several musical homages to rock’s golden era.

05-02 Wylie & The Wild West – Rocketbuster 09 – Ugly Girl Blues (2012)
— starts calling out Bob Wills, ends with a refusal which could be a whole Suess book.

05-03 Blues Brothers – OST 01 – She Caught The Katy (1980)
— the Third Age Of Blues started with this movie soundtrack. My understanding is she left and took his Cadillac, “the Katy”.

05-04 Kate Nash – Made Of Bricks 02 – Foundations (2007)
— following the Katy with a Kate, a thoroughly bitter one. This ep’s only other bleep, and she draws it out long enough to hear the sine wave’s, uhh, siney-ness. Both her and the guy are probably using Tindr behind each other’s backs.

05-05 Loudon Wainwright III – Unrequited 12 – Unrequited To The Nth Degree (1975)
— a bit more grim than just the casual rejection of swiping on an app, please remember don’t try this at home, Loudon is a trained professional.

05-06 Whispering Jack Smith – Me And My Shadow (1927)
— what’s a left-swept fellow left to do? Been around a long time, Al Jolson gets the credit though he likely didn’t write it. Covered by everyone from John Travolta to Liberace, recently as a duet by Jeff Goldblum and Sarah Silverman. This was released as Victor #20626.

05-07 Ren & Stimpy – You Eediot 08 – Smokin’ (1993)
— the ‘toon video with this is Ren displaying the bad effects of smoking, but taken out of that context, it’s a great jazz tune.

06-01 ABBA – Arrival 203 – Why Did It Have To Be Me (1976)
— the 4some at the top of their game, singing about a central pitfall of dating apps.

06-02 Marion Harris – It Had To Be You (1924)
— it’s only natural this song follows the ABBA. Marion’s version, in particular, has an element of tragedy missing in most covers which get sugared up. Fronting Carl Fenton’s orchestra, this was released as Brunswick #2610.

06-03 Kingston Wall – I 103 – I’m Not The One (1992)
— when someone writes a whole punk song about it, best believe it’s true. The album is “I”, side one track 3.

06-04 Clyde McPhatter – Your Second Choice (1961)
— after The Drifters, Clyde hit the bottle and died before 40. Not a hit, but this one flows right between the above and below.

06-05 Warren Zevon – The Envoy 203 – Looking For The Next Best Thing (1982)
— not about dating tragedies, but the title is sooo right if you read this set’s song titles in a row.

06-06 Robert Nighthawk – You Missed A Good Man (1952)
— a rework of a Tampa Red tune from 1935, who lifted it from a Clarence Williams tune of 1915. From Nighthawk’s 2nd session for United Records, October 25th 1952.

06-07 Frank Zappa – One Shot Deal 07 – The Illinois Enema Bandit (2008)
— a final cautionary tale, imagine saying “he looks like a snack” and swiping right, only to find out later, the hard way, that he was the Illinois Enema Bandit?